Managing Social Anxiety: Practical Tools and Strategies

In the previous blog, we explored the fundamentals of social anxiety—what it is, why it matters, and how to recognize when it becomes a problem. Now that you have a solid understanding of the "what," "why," and "when," it’s time to take the next step: learning how to manage social anxiety.

In this second part of the series, we’ll focus on practical strategies and tips you can easily follow to reduce the impact of social anxiety in your daily life. Whether it's navigating social situations with more ease or overcoming those moments of self-doubt, this guide will help you take control and feel more confident. Let’s dive into the "how" of tackling social anxiety!

Learning about your social anxiety:

People with social anxiety often find themselves fearing and avoiding social situations. The constant worry about doing something embarrassing or being judged by others can feel overwhelming. It’s important to recognise that feeling anxious in certain social settings is completely normal - most of us get nervous before speaking in front of a crowd, for instance. But when this anxiety becomes so intense that it starts affecting your daily life and holds you back from enjoying experiences, that’s when it becomes a problem.
The reassuring part is that you're not alone in this struggle. Social anxiety is actually one of the most common anxiety disorders. And the even better news? There are effective strategies you can use to manage these fears and take back control over your social interactions.

Building your toolbox:

When it comes to managing social anxiety, having the right tools can make all the difference. Just as a carpenter needs the proper tools to create something solid, you need a set of strategies to confidently navigate social situations. Fortunately, there are several proven techniques that can help you overcome your fears and start feeling more at ease.

Tool#1: Observing your social anxiety:

The first step in managing social anxiety is getting to know it better. Often, people with social anxiety fear specific situations—like speaking up in a meeting, chatting with coworkers, or attending social events. These moments can trigger physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, or a racing heart. To manage this anxiety, it’s crucial to start observing when and how it shows up. The more familiar you become with your anxiety, the better equipped you'll be to manage it.

Let’s take Sophie’s example. Sophie is a 29-year-old graphic designer who often feels anxious during workplace interactions. Whether it’s small talk in the break room or presenting ideas at a meeting, she experiences a racing heart, clammy hands, and a tense stomach. At first, she thought this was just part of being shy, but she recently decided to track her anxiety to understand it better.
Sophie started a simple daily journal. She wrote down the date, the specific social situation, and the physical symptoms she experienced.
For example, on January 12th, she noted feeling dizzy and dry-mouthed while chatting with a cashier at the grocery store. Over a few weeks, Sophie’s notes revealed clear patterns: interactions with authority figures and strangers consistently made her anxious. This newfound understanding helped her realize that her anxiety wasn’t random—it followed specific triggers.
By tracking her anxiety, Sophie gained valuable insights. Now, she can anticipate which situations are likely to make her anxious and start working on strategies to handle them. Learning to recognize patterns in your anxiety is the first step in loosening its grip on your life.

You can do the same as Sophie by creating a simple log to track your social anxiety. Here’s a guide to help you get started:

Tool #2: Learning to relax:

Feeling anxious can be overwhelming, but learning how to relax can help reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety, making it easier to handle social situations. Here are two effective techniques:

1.Calm breathing: A simple step-by-step guide:
Calm breathing, also known as diaphragmatic breathing, is a technique that helps slow down your breath, easing the physical symptoms of anxiety. Here’s how you can practice calm breathing to feel more relaxed in social situations:

Find a comfortable position: Sit upright in a chair, with your feet flat on the ground. Place your hands on your lap or the arms of the chair.
Inhale slowly through your nose: Take a deep breath, allowing the air to fill your lower belly. Count to 4 as you breathe in.
Hold your breath: Pause for 1-2 seconds, letting the air settle.
Exhale slowly through your mouth: Breathe out gently, counting to 4 again.
Pause before the next breath: Wait a couple of seconds before repeating the cycle.

Activity:

Practice calm breathing for 5 minutes, twice a day, whether you're feeling anxious or not. This helps you become comfortable using the technique in stressful situations.
Aim for 6-8 slow breaths per minute, finding a rhythm that feels comfortable for you.

Regular practice will make calm breathing a go-to tool for managing anxiety when social situations feel overwhelming.

2.Muscle relaxation: step-by-step guide:
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) is a technique that helps reduce anxiety by tensing and then relaxing various muscle groups. By practicing PMR, you learn to recognize when your body is tense and how to release that tension, making you feel more relaxed and in control. Here's how you can practice it:

Get comfortable: Sit in a comfortable chair or lie down. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
Tense specific muscles: Focus on one muscle group at a time. Tense the muscles for about 5 seconds, then quickly release.
Relax and notice: After tensing, let the muscles relax completely for 10-15 seconds. Focus on how your muscles feel in this relaxed state.
Move to the next group: Repeat the process for different muscle groups.

Muscle Groups to Target:

Feet: Curl your toes downward.
Lower Legs: Tighten your calves by pulling your toes toward you.
Thighs: Squeeze your thigh muscles.
Hands: Clench your fists.
Arms: Tighten your biceps by pulling your forearm toward your shoulder.
Buttocks: Tighten your glutes by pulling them together.
Stomach: Suck your stomach in tightly.
Chest: Take a deep breath and tighten your chest.
Neck and Shoulders: Raise your shoulders toward your ears.
Mouth: Open your mouth wide.
Eyes: Squeeze your eyes shut.
Forehead: Raise your eyebrows as far as you can.

Example:
Hand Relaxation: Clench your right hand into a tight fist, hold for 5 seconds, and then release. Focus on the sensation of relaxation as the tension leaves your hand. Repeat with your left hand.

By practicing muscle relaxation regularly, you’ll train your body to release tension and feel more at ease during stressful moments.

Tool #3: Realistic thinking:

Many people with social anxiety disorder are plagued by negative thoughts that amplify their fears in social situations. These anxious thoughts often set off a cycle of fear and avoidance, making it even harder to interact with others. Some common examples of these thoughts include:

“No one will like me!”
“I’m going to say something stupid.”
“I’ll do something foolish, and other people will laugh!”
“I won’t know what to say.”
“I’m not as smart or attractive as other people.”
“No one will talk to me.”
“I’ll get anxious, and others will notice.”
“Others will think I’m boring.”
“I’ll make a mistake, and others will think I’m stupid.”

When you perceive social situations as threatening, it’s no wonder that anxiety levels spike. But here’s the crucial point: these thoughts are often just guesses about what might happen, not facts. Many people with social anxiety tend to overestimate the risks associated with social interactions.

The good news is that you can learn to develop more realistic ways of thinking. To do this effectively, you first need to recognize and identify the specific thoughts you have in social situations. This awareness is the foundation for change.

A step-by-step guide to evaluating your thoughts:

Identify your fears: Start by recognizing what you’re afraid of in social situations, such as “I’ll embarrass myself by saying something stupid,” or “People will notice my anxiety.”
Track your thoughts: Keep a record of your anxious thoughts. Whether at social events or meetings, jot them down when you feel anxious.
Find the right moment: If you can’t track your thoughts during a situation, do so just before or after. This keeps your insights fresh.
Repeat for a week: Continue this exercise regularly for about a week to discover patterns in your thoughts and gain a better understanding of your anxiety.
Evaluate your thoughts: Challenge the accuracy of your thoughts by asking questions to assess whether they are based on reality.
Shift your perspective: Once you’ve evaluated your thoughts, aim to reframe them in a more balanced, realistic way.

By practicing this approach, you’ll start to see that many of your fears are exaggerated, and you can begin to view social situations with greater confidence and less anxiety.

Rephrased questions with answers to help you evaluate your thoughts:
Questions:

Original question: Am I absolutely certain that __________ will happen?

Rephrased question: Am I absolutely sure that I’ll say something foolish at the party?
Answer: Not completely.

Original question: How often has __________ actually occurred?

Rephrased question: How often have I actually said something foolish at a party?
Answer: A few times, but it hasn’t happened every time.

Original question: What evidence supports this fear?

Rephrased question: What evidence supports this thought?
Answer: There was a time I told a joke that didn’t land at all. Another occasion involved my comment about a movie that left everyone confused. And then there was that moment when I asked a really obvious question, and someone laughed at me.

Original question: What evidence contradicts this fear?

Rephrased question: What evidence contradicts this thought?
Answer: I’ve attended parties where I didn’t say anything embarrassing. I’ve enjoyed meaningful conversations, and just last time, someone even told me I was funny!

Original question: Is __________ really so important that my entire future depends on it?

Rephrased question: Is it truly that important for me to avoid saying something foolish to the point that it dictates my entire future?
Answer: It might be embarrassing, but no, my future doesn’t depend on it.

Original question: What’s the worst possible outcome?

Rephrased question: What's the worst thing that can happen?
Answer: I might say something foolish, and people could laugh.

Original question: How can I cope with it?

Rephrased question: How can I cope if that happens?
Answer: Maybe I could make a light-hearted joke about it or step outside for some fresh air.

Original question: How else could I view this situation?

Rephrased question: Can I see this differently?
Answer: Yes, everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

Original question: What advice would I give my best friend if they were feeling this way?

Rephrased question: What advice would I give to a friend?
Answer: I’d remind them that it’s not the end of the world. We all say goofy things, and most people don’t remember exactly what was said anyway.

Test It out:
A great way to test whether your fears are valid is to conduct small experiments in social situations. Here are a few challenges to try:

Ask a silly question: For example, ask for directions to a place you’re already at, like a coffee shop you’re sitting in. Notice how people respond—most likely, they’ll find it amusing rather than judgmental.
Let your hand shake: While holding a glass of water, allow your hand to shake. Observe whether anyone seems to notice or care.
Spill something: Intentionally spill a small amount of water or juice. See how others react; it’s likely they’ll just help you clean it up or offer a friendly laugh.
Drop something: Casually drop a pen or a small item in a public space. Do others stare in shock? Or do they just carry on with their day?
Wear your shirt inside out: For a day, wear your shirt inside out. This will help you see that people often don’t notice the small details we worry about.
Send an email with typos: Shoot off a quick email that includes a few spelling mistakes. Pay attention to whether anyone brings it up or if they even notice.
Mispronounce a word: During a conversation, throw in a mispronounced word and see how people respond. Most will likely just correct you lightly, if at all.
Pretend to lose your train of thought: While chatting with someone, pause mid-sentence as if you forgot what you were saying. Notice if they prompt you to continue or if they fill the silence comfortably.
Pretend to trip: While walking in a safe area, pretend to trip slightly. Check how those around you react—most will likely just offer a smile or a laugh.
Wait to ask for change: Stand in line and wait for the cashier to close their till before asking for change. Watch how they respond; it may just lead to a lighthearted exchange.

Take a personal challenge:
Choose one or two of the above experiments to try each week. Journal your experiences, noting how you felt before, during, and after each challenge. Reflect on the reactions of others and whether they matched your fears. This process can help you realize that many of your anxious thoughts aren’t as threatening as they seem, empowering you to face social situations with greater confidence.

Tool#4: Facing your fears:

It’s completely normal to want to avoid situations that trigger anxiety. While avoiding these feared social situations may provide short-term relief, it can actually increase your anxiety in the long run. This is because avoiding these situations prevents you from realizing that your fears are often unlikely to occur or are not as severe as you imagine.

To effectively manage your social anxiety, it’s crucial to face the situations you’ve been avoiding. Doing so can reduce your distress over time and help build your confidence.

Steps to confront your fears:

Identify your fears: Begin by making a list of social situations that you fear. These could include actions like saying “hi” to a co-worker, asking a stranger for directions, or making a phone call. Refer to the observations you made regarding your social anxiety (see Tool #1) to help identify these situations.
Rank your fears: Once you have compiled your list, arrange the situations from least scary to most scary. Use the table below as an example to rank your fears:

Gradually face your fears: Start with the least scary situation. For example, practice saying “hi” to a co-worker every morning until you feel less anxious about it. Repeat this activity until it becomes more comfortable.
Progress to more challenging situations: Once you can enter that situation without experiencing significant anxiety (after several attempts), move on to the next situation on your list.

Celebrate small wins: Recognize and appreciate each step you take, no matter how minor it may seem. Overcoming fears is a journey, and every effort matters!

Eliminating fears: Addressing subtle avoidance and safety behaviors:
When faced with social anxiety, it’s common to not only avoid situations altogether but also to engage in subtle avoidance strategies or safety behaviors. These actions may seem harmless, but they can prevent you from fully experiencing social interactions and reinforce your fears. For instance, if you’re anxious about saying something foolish, you might find yourself speaking as little as possible, which ultimately limits your engagement.

Here are some examples of subtle avoidance strategies and common safety behaviors you might notice in yourself:

Removing yourself from the situation: This could look like sitting on the edge of a group, frequently excusing yourself to go to the bathroom, or finding tasks to keep you busy and distracted.
Hiding visible signs of anxiety: Some people opt for clothing that conceals blushing, like turtlenecks, or apply heavy makeup to mask their nervousness.
Using substances: Turning to alcohol or drugs to ease anxiety in social settings can create a false sense of comfort.
Distraction: You might try zoning out or thinking about unrelated topics to avoid focusing on your anxiety.
Avoiding personal disclosure: Keeping conversations superficial by only discussing safe topics, asking lots of questions to shift the focus onto others, or quickly changing the subject can prevent deeper connections.
Avoiding attention: This may involve not making eye contact, speaking softly, or minimizing your contributions to conversations.
Overcompensation: Over-preparing for presentations or rehearsing what to say can become a crutch that ultimately increases anxiety rather than alleviating it.

Tips for reducing avoidance behaviors:
Here are some tips to reduce your avoidance behaviours:

Increase awareness: Over the next few weeks, pay close attention to the behaviors you use to feel safer in social situations. Take notes on these strategies as you identify them.
Recognize the impact: Understand that these avoidance strategies can reinforce the belief that social situations are threatening, preventing you from realizing that they are often not as dangerous as they seem.
Challenge your behaviors: Managing your social anxiety involves identifying these safety behaviors and gradually reducing them when facing your fears. Make a list of the strategies you use and set specific goals to engage in social situations without relying on them.
Shift your focus: It’s common for individuals with social anxiety to concentrate on their own feelings and fears during interactions, which can heighten anxiety. Instead, try to focus on others—listen to what they’re saying, observe their reactions, and engage in the overall conversation. This shift can help reduce anxiety and lead to a more enjoyable social experience.

By acknowledging and addressing these subtle avoidance and safety behaviors, you can gradually build your confidence in social situations. You’ll learn to cope with anxiety without relying on these crutches, leading to richer interactions and a greater sense of ease in social settings.

Meeting new people:
As you build confidence in facing social situations, it’s a great time to think about expanding your social network. For many people with social anxiety disorder, forming new relationships can feel daunting. However, having opportunities to meet others and develop friendships is crucial for personal growth and support. Social situations that allow for repeated contact are particularly effective for nurturing these connections.

To help you brainstorm, here are some excellent places where you can meet new people:

Work or school: Take the initiative to talk to co-workers, invite someone for lunch, or share coffee breaks. These small interactions can lay the groundwork for deeper friendships.
Sports and exercise: Join a local gym, a running group, or a sports team like soccer or tennis. Physical activity not only keeps you healthy but also provides a natural setting for meeting others.
Clubs and organizations: Consider joining clubs that match your interests, such as a travel club, hiking group, or singles group. These gatherings can help you connect with like-minded individuals.
Classes: Enroll in a class that excites you—be it painting, pottery, or a language course like Spanish or French. Learning alongside others can foster camaraderie.
Volunteering: Get involved in your community by volunteering at local centers, hospitals, or charitable organizations. This can provide meaningful interactions while helping others.
Group lessons: Take group lessons for activities like swimming or dancing. These settings encourage interaction in a relaxed environment.
Sports facilities: Visit local sports facilities such as skate parks or ski hills, where you can meet people who share your interests.
Dating services and online dating: If you’re open to it, consider using dating services or apps to meet new people. This can be a less intimidating way to connect.

Social anxiety often stems from confidence, not ability. Practice is essential. If you need to improve your social skills, consider workshops or online courses to enhance your communication.

Tool#4: Building on bravery

Managing anxiety is a journey that requires dedication and hard work. If you’re beginning to notice improvements, take a moment to acknowledge your efforts—celebrate your successes! Rewarding yourself is essential in reinforcing positive changes.

Maintaining your progress:
How can you ensure that the progress you’ve made sticks? The answer is simple: practice! Just like physical exercise, managing anxiety requires consistent effort to "stay in shape." Make your new skills a regular part of your life, even after you’ve reached your goals.

Embrace the process:
Don’t be disheartened if you find yourself reverting to old behaviors. This can happen, especially during stressful times or significant life transitions, like starting a new job or moving to a new place. Remember, this is completely normal! It’s a sign that you may need to revisit and practice the tools you’ve learned.

A lifelong journey:
Coping with anxiety is not just a phase—it’s a lifelong process. Regular practice helps you maintain your skills and reinforces your ability to face challenges. Keep pushing yourself, celebrate your milestones, and know that each step you take is a testament to your bravery. Embrace the journey, and remember that every effort counts in building a more confident and resilient you.

Emma’s journey with Stamina AI:
Emma, a 28-year-old graphic designer, had long struggled with social anxiety. Speaking up in meetings, chatting with colleagues, and attending social gatherings filled her with fear of judgment, making her feel isolated.
After finding Stamina AI, an AI chatbot therapist, Emma decided to give it a try. The chatbot provided a safe space for her to express her worries and guided her in tracking her anxiety patterns. With Stamina AI’s help, she practiced relaxation techniques, like calm breathing, and learned to challenge her negative thoughts.
Emma gradually faced her fears by ranking intimidating social situations and tackling them one by one. Small victories, such as greeting a coworker or asking a stranger for directions, boosted her confidence. Eventually, she even joined a painting class and made new friends.
With Stamina AI’s guidance, Emma now engages more confidently in conversations and social events. Her journey shows how the right tools and persistence can help overcome social anxiety, one step at a time.

In this two-part series, we’ve taken a deep dive into social anxiety—starting with understanding what it is, why it matters, and how to recognize it in our daily lives. In this second part, we’ve explored practical tools for managing social anxiety, from observing your thoughts and behaviors to mastering techniques like calm breathing and muscle relaxation.

As the famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt goes,

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

Let this be a reminder that much of what we fear in social interactions is rooted in overthinking, and by reframing our thoughts, we can begin to ease our anxiety and embrace life more fully.

With awareness, practice, and the right tools, social anxiety doesn’t have to stand in your way. Keep building your toolbox and remember—you’ve got this!

Try Stamina AI to deal with social anxiety.

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