Social Anxiety: Recognising the Signs and Learning Its Science
Have you ever been in a situation where your heart races, your palms sweat, and the mere thought of speaking up in a group makes you freeze? Maybe it’s the fear of being judged or the anxiety of doing something embarrassing that keeps you away from fully participating in social events. Does walking into a crowded room or even a casual conversation leave you feeling self-conscious or overwhelmed?
Well, if this sounds familiar, it could be social anxiety. Remember, social anxiety is more than just shyness.
In this two-part blog series, we’ll dive into the world of social anxiety, exploring the topic in a way that is both relatable and informative. In part one, we’ll cover what social anxiety really is, look at the science behind it, and discuss why it’s important to recognise the signs. In part two, we’ll focus on practical strategies, tips, and techniques that can help manage it.
As we always say, the more we understand a mental health issue, the better equipped we are to tackle it. Social anxiety may feel overwhelming, but with the right knowledge and tools, it’s something that can be managed and improved. So, let’s explore what social anxiety is, why is it important to learn about, facts about social anxiety, the science behind social anxiety, how anxiety works and finally how to recognize it.
Well, if this sounds familiar, it could be social anxiety. Remember, social anxiety is more than just shyness.
In this two-part blog series, we’ll dive into the world of social anxiety, exploring the topic in a way that is both relatable and informative. In part one, we’ll cover what social anxiety really is, look at the science behind it, and discuss why it’s important to recognise the signs. In part two, we’ll focus on practical strategies, tips, and techniques that can help manage it.
As we always say, the more we understand a mental health issue, the better equipped we are to tackle it. Social anxiety may feel overwhelming, but with the right knowledge and tools, it’s something that can be managed and improved. So, let’s explore what social anxiety is, why is it important to learn about, facts about social anxiety, the science behind social anxiety, how anxiety works and finally how to recognize it.
What is social anxiety:
Social anxiety, or social phobia, is a mental health condition where a person experiences intense fear or discomfort in social situations, driven by the fear of being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated. It goes beyond typical shyness, often leading to physical symptoms such as a racing heart, sweating, trembling, nausea, or shortness of breath. These symptoms can make even routine interactions feel overwhelming and can significantly interfere with daily life.
To illustrate, let’s look at Sarah’s story:
Sarah, a 26-year-old graphic designer, is highly skilled at her job, but the thought of attending meetings fills her with dread. Before the meeting even begins, her heart starts racing, her palms become sweaty, and she feels a tight knot in her stomach. As she imagines speaking up, she fears saying something “stupid” and being judged by her coworkers. Her hands tremble, and she feels lightheaded, as though she might pass out.
Even when Sarah knows the answers or has valuable input, she remains silent, paralyzed by the fear of embarrassing herself. The anticipation alone is enough to make her feel nauseous, and she often makes excuses to avoid work-related social interactions altogether. For Sarah, these physical symptoms are just as distressing as the fear of judgement.
If Sarah’s story sounds familiar, it’s an example of how social anxiety can manifest both mentally and physically, affecting not just how a person feels, but how they function in everyday situations.
Sarah, a 26-year-old graphic designer, is highly skilled at her job, but the thought of attending meetings fills her with dread. Before the meeting even begins, her heart starts racing, her palms become sweaty, and she feels a tight knot in her stomach. As she imagines speaking up, she fears saying something “stupid” and being judged by her coworkers. Her hands tremble, and she feels lightheaded, as though she might pass out.
Even when Sarah knows the answers or has valuable input, she remains silent, paralyzed by the fear of embarrassing herself. The anticipation alone is enough to make her feel nauseous, and she often makes excuses to avoid work-related social interactions altogether. For Sarah, these physical symptoms are just as distressing as the fear of judgement.
If Sarah’s story sounds familiar, it’s an example of how social anxiety can manifest both mentally and physically, affecting not just how a person feels, but how they function in everyday situations.
Explaining social anxiety to a 5 year old
"Imagine you’re at a party with lots of kids, and everyone is playing games. But instead of feeling excited, you feel really, really nervous. Your heart is beating fast, your hands are sweaty, and you don’t want to talk because you’re scared someone might laugh at you. Even though no one is being mean, it just feels like too much, and you want to hide or be by yourself.
That feeling is called social anxiety. It’s like a big worry monster that shows up when you have to talk to people or do things in front of others. But just like when you learn to calm down after being scared, there are ways to make the worried monster smaller and not so scary!"
"Imagine you’re at a party with lots of kids, and everyone is playing games. But instead of feeling excited, you feel really, really nervous. Your heart is beating fast, your hands are sweaty, and you don’t want to talk because you’re scared someone might laugh at you. Even though no one is being mean, it just feels like too much, and you want to hide or be by yourself.
That feeling is called social anxiety. It’s like a big worry monster that shows up when you have to talk to people or do things in front of others. But just like when you learn to calm down after being scared, there are ways to make the worried monster smaller and not so scary!"
Why is it important to learn about anxiety:
Understanding anxiety is crucial for several reasons, especially because it often goes unrecognized or misunderstood. Many people experience anxiety, but they don’t always connect the dots between their physical symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors. Instead, they might believe there’s something inherently “wrong” with them.
For instance, someone may focus on the physical symptoms—like a racing heart, upset stomach, or shortness of breath—without realizing that these sensations are triggered by anxiety. Others might internalize negative thoughts, thinking they’re “weak” or “weird,” or worse, they may feel like they’re losing control. These thoughts often intensify anxiety, creating a loop of fear, self-doubt, and avoidance.
For instance, someone may focus on the physical symptoms—like a racing heart, upset stomach, or shortness of breath—without realizing that these sensations are triggered by anxiety. Others might internalize negative thoughts, thinking they’re “weak” or “weird,” or worse, they may feel like they’re losing control. These thoughts often intensify anxiety, creating a loop of fear, self-doubt, and avoidance.
Let’s consider John, who often gets anxious before giving presentations at work. As soon as he stands up to speak, his heart races, his hands tremble, and his stomach churns. Instead of recognising these as natural responses to anxiety, John assumes, “I must not be good at this,” or “Everyone is going to think I’m terrible.” These negative thoughts only add fuel to the fire, making him even more nervous and unfocused. The more John worries about appearing anxious, the more anxious he becomes—a classic anxiety cycle.
This is why it’s so important to learn about anxiety. When you understand how anxiety works—how it affects your body, thoughts, and behaviours—you gain the power to break the cycle. You can approach the situation more calmly and take proactive steps to deal with it. Instead of spiraling into fear or avoidance, you start to develop a toolkit of strategies that help you handle anxiety more effectively. In short, learning about anxiety helps you shift from feeling powerless to feeling prepared and in control.
Facts about anxiety:
A common myth about anxiety is that thinking or reading about it will make you more anxious. In reality, you can’t manage what you don’t understand. Accurate information about anxiety can reduce confusion, fear, and shame. Let’s explore some key facts to demystify this common experience:
1. Anxiety is normal:
Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time, and it’s a completely normal part of life. Imagine feeling nervous before stepping onto a rollercoaster or right before a big job interview—those are examples of anxiety at work. It’s our body’s way of responding to situations that require focus or care.
Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time, and it’s a completely normal part of life. Imagine feeling nervous before stepping onto a rollercoaster or right before a big job interview—those are examples of anxiety at work. It’s our body’s way of responding to situations that require focus or care.
2.Anxiety is adaptive:
Anxiety helps us respond to danger or perform well. It activates the "fight-flight-freeze" response, preparing us to react in real threats, but it can also kick in during non-dangerous situations, like public speaking.
Anxiety helps us respond to danger or perform well. It activates the "fight-flight-freeze" response, preparing us to react in real threats, but it can also kick in during non-dangerous situations, like public speaking.
3. Anxiety is not dangerous:
Though uncomfortable—like a racing heart or sweaty palms—anxiety isn’t harmful. It’s your body’s way of protecting you, not hurting you.
Though uncomfortable—like a racing heart or sweaty palms—anxiety isn’t harmful. It’s your body’s way of protecting you, not hurting you.
4.Anxiety is temporary:
Anxiety comes and goes. It might feel overwhelming, but it eventually fades, just like the stress before a test that passes after it's over.
Anxiety comes and goes. It might feel overwhelming, but it eventually fades, just like the stress before a test that passes after it's over.
5.Anxiety is mostly invisible:
While you may feel anxious, others usually won’t notice your physical symptoms, like a racing heart or shaky hands.
While you may feel anxious, others usually won’t notice your physical symptoms, like a racing heart or shaky hands.
Understanding these facts makes it easier to manage anxiety and take away some of its fear.
Fight-Flight-Freeze:
Our body’s "fight-flight-freeze" response is an ancient survival mechanism designed to help us react quickly to danger. It’s a natural, automatic reaction that prepares us to either confront a threat, escape from it, or stay still until the danger passes. Here's how it works and why it can sometimes feel like it's on high alert, even when there isn't a real threat:
1. Fight
Imagine you’re hiking in the woods and suddenly come across a black bear. Your body might instinctively prepare to fight the bear by making yourself appear larger and more intimidating, perhaps by yelling and waving your arms. This response is meant to scare off the threat and keep you safe. Similarly, in less dangerous situations, such as a job interview, you might feel the urge to "fight" by snapping at someone out of frustration or becoming overly defensive if you feel judged.
Imagine you’re hiking in the woods and suddenly come across a black bear. Your body might instinctively prepare to fight the bear by making yourself appear larger and more intimidating, perhaps by yelling and waving your arms. This response is meant to scare off the threat and keep you safe. Similarly, in less dangerous situations, such as a job interview, you might feel the urge to "fight" by snapping at someone out of frustration or becoming overly defensive if you feel judged.
2. Flight
In the same bear encounter, if you decide the best option is to get away, you might sprint down the trail to escape. This "flight" response helps you avoid the danger altogether. In everyday situations, the flight response might manifest as avoiding events or situations that make you anxious, like skipping a social gathering or avoiding a challenging task because it feels overwhelming.
In the same bear encounter, if you decide the best option is to get away, you might sprint down the trail to escape. This "flight" response helps you avoid the danger altogether. In everyday situations, the flight response might manifest as avoiding events or situations that make you anxious, like skipping a social gathering or avoiding a challenging task because it feels overwhelming.
3. Freeze
Sometimes, when faced with a threat, you might become paralyzed and unable to move or react—this is the "freeze" response. In the same surprise encounter with the bear, you might freeze in place, hoping the bear doesn’t notice you. In less extreme scenarios, such as during a public speaking event, freezing can look like having a hard time thinking clearly, feeling stuck, or unable to respond to questions effectively.
Sometimes, when faced with a threat, you might become paralyzed and unable to move or react—this is the "freeze" response. In the same surprise encounter with the bear, you might freeze in place, hoping the bear doesn’t notice you. In less extreme scenarios, such as during a public speaking event, freezing can look like having a hard time thinking clearly, feeling stuck, or unable to respond to questions effectively.
These responses are all about managing perceived threats. They were crucial for survival in the wild, but today, they can be triggered by non-life-threatening situations that just feel stressful or intimidating. For instance, while a job interview doesn’t pose any real danger, it can still trigger a fight-flight-freeze reaction. You might feel jittery (flight), snap at someone (fight), or struggle to think clearly (freeze). Understanding this response helps us recognize that our reactions are normal and not necessarily a sign of weakness.
What happens to your body when you are anxious:
When you feel anxious, your body goes into what’s called an “alarm reaction,” preparing you to deal with what it perceives as a threat. This reaction is part of the body’s natural “fight-flight-freeze” response, and it triggers a series of physical sensations designed to help you handle danger. Here’s a closer look at what happens inside your body:
1. Rapid heartbeat and breathing:
Imagine you’re being chased by a wild animal. Your heart starts pounding and your breathing speeds up. This happens because your body is pumping more blood and oxygen to your major muscles and organs, preparing you to either run away or confront the danger. This increased circulation helps you act quickly.
2. Sweating:
Think about sweating during a tough workout. When you’re anxious, you sweat for a different reason—it’s your body’s way of cooling itself down. Sweating also makes your skin more slippery, which could help you slip away from danger or avoid being grabbed.
3. Nausea and stomach upset:
When you’re anxious, your body temporarily shuts down non-essential functions, like digestion, to focus on survival. That’s why you might feel nauseous or have an upset stomach. Your body is directing energy to more critical functions, which means digestion takes a back seat.
4. Dizziness or lightheadedness:
As you prepare to either fight or flee, your body sends more blood and oxygen to your muscles. This can cause you to breathe faster, sometimes leading to hyperventilation. The increased oxygen can make you feel dizzy or lightheaded. Additionally, the blood flow to your brain might slightly decrease, contributing to that dizzy feeling. Don’t worry—this decrease in blood flow isn’t harmful.
5. Tight or painful chest:
When you’re anxious, your chest muscles tense up as part of the body’s preparation for action. This can make your chest feel tight or even painful, especially if you’re taking deep breaths.
6. Numbness and tingling sensations:
Hyperventilation can cause numbness and tingling in your fingers and toes. Additionally, the tiny hairs on your body might stand up, increasing your sensitivity to touch. Blood flow also shifts to major muscle groups and away from less critical areas like your fingers, which can contribute to these sensations.
7. Unreality or bright vision:
Anxiety can make your surroundings seem brighter or blurrier. This happens because your pupils dilate to let in more light, helping you see potential threats more clearly. This reaction can make your environment seem less real or more intense.
8. Heavy legs:
When your legs are preparing for action, the increased muscle tension and blood flow can make them feel heavy. It’s like your legs are ready to spring into action, but this sensation can make them feel cumbersome.
9. Choking sensations:
Rapid breathing and muscle tension around your neck can dry out your throat, giving you a choking sensation. This feeling is a result of your body’s heightened alertness, not an actual physical blockage.
10. Hot and cold flashes:
You might experience sudden hot or cold flashes. These sensations are linked to sweating and changes in blood flow. Constriction of blood vessels in your skin helps reduce blood loss if you’re injured.
Understanding these physical responses can help you recognize that they are normal parts of how your body handles anxiety. They’re meant to protect you, not harm you, and learning about them can make the sensations feel less alarming.
1. Rapid heartbeat and breathing:
Imagine you’re being chased by a wild animal. Your heart starts pounding and your breathing speeds up. This happens because your body is pumping more blood and oxygen to your major muscles and organs, preparing you to either run away or confront the danger. This increased circulation helps you act quickly.
2. Sweating:
Think about sweating during a tough workout. When you’re anxious, you sweat for a different reason—it’s your body’s way of cooling itself down. Sweating also makes your skin more slippery, which could help you slip away from danger or avoid being grabbed.
3. Nausea and stomach upset:
When you’re anxious, your body temporarily shuts down non-essential functions, like digestion, to focus on survival. That’s why you might feel nauseous or have an upset stomach. Your body is directing energy to more critical functions, which means digestion takes a back seat.
4. Dizziness or lightheadedness:
As you prepare to either fight or flee, your body sends more blood and oxygen to your muscles. This can cause you to breathe faster, sometimes leading to hyperventilation. The increased oxygen can make you feel dizzy or lightheaded. Additionally, the blood flow to your brain might slightly decrease, contributing to that dizzy feeling. Don’t worry—this decrease in blood flow isn’t harmful.
5. Tight or painful chest:
When you’re anxious, your chest muscles tense up as part of the body’s preparation for action. This can make your chest feel tight or even painful, especially if you’re taking deep breaths.
6. Numbness and tingling sensations:
Hyperventilation can cause numbness and tingling in your fingers and toes. Additionally, the tiny hairs on your body might stand up, increasing your sensitivity to touch. Blood flow also shifts to major muscle groups and away from less critical areas like your fingers, which can contribute to these sensations.
7. Unreality or bright vision:
Anxiety can make your surroundings seem brighter or blurrier. This happens because your pupils dilate to let in more light, helping you see potential threats more clearly. This reaction can make your environment seem less real or more intense.
8. Heavy legs:
When your legs are preparing for action, the increased muscle tension and blood flow can make them feel heavy. It’s like your legs are ready to spring into action, but this sensation can make them feel cumbersome.
9. Choking sensations:
Rapid breathing and muscle tension around your neck can dry out your throat, giving you a choking sensation. This feeling is a result of your body’s heightened alertness, not an actual physical blockage.
10. Hot and cold flashes:
You might experience sudden hot or cold flashes. These sensations are linked to sweating and changes in blood flow. Constriction of blood vessels in your skin helps reduce blood loss if you’re injured.
Understanding these physical responses can help you recognize that they are normal parts of how your body handles anxiety. They’re meant to protect you, not harm you, and learning about them can make the sensations feel less alarming.
How anxiety works:
Anxiety is like a multi-faceted puzzle that affects not just your body, but also your thoughts and behaviors. It has three key components: physical symptoms (how your body responds), thoughts (what goes through your mind), and behaviors (how you act). Understanding these three parts can help you recognize anxiety when it appears, making it less overwhelming.
Anxiety can be understood through three interconnected parts: thoughts, physical symptoms, and behaviors. These elements feed into each other, often creating a cycle that can make anxiety feel overwhelming.
Anxiety can be understood through three interconnected parts: thoughts, physical symptoms, and behaviors. These elements feed into each other, often creating a cycle that can make anxiety feel overwhelming.
1. Thoughts: What we tell ourselves:
Anxiety often starts in the mind with a thought—usually a worry or a “what if” scenario. For example, you might think, “What if I say something embarrassing at the meeting?” These anxious thoughts fuel worry, creating a sense of dread about what might happen, even if it’s unlikely.
2. Physical symptoms: How our body responds:
In response to these anxious thoughts, your body reacts as if it’s facing a real threat. Your heart might race, your muscles tighten, or you might get sweaty palms. This is the body’s “fight-flight-freeze” response, preparing you to deal with danger—even though the danger is just a thought in your mind.
3. Behaviors: How we act:
Finally, anxiety affects what we do. To avoid the discomfort of anxious thoughts and physical sensations, people often change their behavior—like avoiding social situations, leaving early, or rehearsing what to say over and over again. These behaviors may temporarily reduce anxiety, but they often reinforce it in the long run because they prevent you from realizing that the feared outcome might never happen.
How they’re connected:
These three parts create a cycle. An anxious thought triggers a physical response, which leads to a behavior aimed at reducing the discomfort. However, avoiding the situation strengthens the anxious thought, making the cycle repeat. For example, worrying about embarrassing yourself might make your heart race and cause you to avoid the meeting. By avoiding it, you never give yourself the chance to see that you could’ve handled it just fine, and the cycle continues.
A helpful analogy is imagining anxiety as a wheel—each part is a spoke that keeps the wheel turning. To stop the wheel from spinning out of control, you need to address each spoke: challenge the thoughts, manage the physical symptoms, and adjust the behaviors.
Anxiety often starts in the mind with a thought—usually a worry or a “what if” scenario. For example, you might think, “What if I say something embarrassing at the meeting?” These anxious thoughts fuel worry, creating a sense of dread about what might happen, even if it’s unlikely.
2. Physical symptoms: How our body responds:
In response to these anxious thoughts, your body reacts as if it’s facing a real threat. Your heart might race, your muscles tighten, or you might get sweaty palms. This is the body’s “fight-flight-freeze” response, preparing you to deal with danger—even though the danger is just a thought in your mind.
3. Behaviors: How we act:
Finally, anxiety affects what we do. To avoid the discomfort of anxious thoughts and physical sensations, people often change their behavior—like avoiding social situations, leaving early, or rehearsing what to say over and over again. These behaviors may temporarily reduce anxiety, but they often reinforce it in the long run because they prevent you from realizing that the feared outcome might never happen.
How they’re connected:
These three parts create a cycle. An anxious thought triggers a physical response, which leads to a behavior aimed at reducing the discomfort. However, avoiding the situation strengthens the anxious thought, making the cycle repeat. For example, worrying about embarrassing yourself might make your heart race and cause you to avoid the meeting. By avoiding it, you never give yourself the chance to see that you could’ve handled it just fine, and the cycle continues.
A helpful analogy is imagining anxiety as a wheel—each part is a spoke that keeps the wheel turning. To stop the wheel from spinning out of control, you need to address each spoke: challenge the thoughts, manage the physical symptoms, and adjust the behaviors.
When does anxiety become a problem?
Anxiety is a problem when your body reacts as if there is danger when there is no real danger.
Anxiety: Your overactive smoke alarm:
Imagine anxiety as your body’s built-in smoke alarm. When it’s working properly, it protects you from real danger, like a smoke alarm going off when there’s an actual fire. It alerts you to get to safety, and that’s a good thing. But what happens when the alarm goes off every time you burn toast? There’s no real fire, but the alarm blares as if there is. It’s loud, stressful, and unnecessary. That’s what anxiety can feel like. Your mind and body are reacting as if something dangerous is happening, even when the situation is harmless.
This is what happens when anxiety becomes a problem. Your body’s "smoke alarm" system becomes faulty, oversensitive, and starts going off in situations that aren’t dangerous. Whether it's speaking in public, meeting new people, or making small decisions, anxiety reacts as if you're in real danger, even when you're not. Just like you wouldn’t want to get rid of your smoke alarm (because it protects you from actual fires), you don’t want to eliminate anxiety altogether. Instead, you need to adjust the sensitivity so it only goes off when there's something truly harmful.
In other words, managing anxiety is like fixing that oversensitive smoke alarm so it only responds when it should, letting you live more comfortably without unnecessary stress.
Imagine anxiety as your body’s built-in smoke alarm. When it’s working properly, it protects you from real danger, like a smoke alarm going off when there’s an actual fire. It alerts you to get to safety, and that’s a good thing. But what happens when the alarm goes off every time you burn toast? There’s no real fire, but the alarm blares as if there is. It’s loud, stressful, and unnecessary. That’s what anxiety can feel like. Your mind and body are reacting as if something dangerous is happening, even when the situation is harmless.
This is what happens when anxiety becomes a problem. Your body’s "smoke alarm" system becomes faulty, oversensitive, and starts going off in situations that aren’t dangerous. Whether it's speaking in public, meeting new people, or making small decisions, anxiety reacts as if you're in real danger, even when you're not. Just like you wouldn’t want to get rid of your smoke alarm (because it protects you from actual fires), you don’t want to eliminate anxiety altogether. Instead, you need to adjust the sensitivity so it only goes off when there's something truly harmful.
In other words, managing anxiety is like fixing that oversensitive smoke alarm so it only responds when it should, letting you live more comfortably without unnecessary stress.
How to recognize anxiety:
As we discussed, anxiety is made up of three different parts: physical symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors. Similarly, when it comes to recognizing anxiety, it’s essential to identify these same three components. Let’s break down each aspect to help you become more aware of how anxiety shows up for you.
1. Recognizing the physical symptoms of anxiety:
Let's start with the first part of anxiety that is physical symptoms. Start by asking yourself, “What happens in my body when I’m anxious?” Anxiety can stir up a variety of physical sensations. For instance, you might experience butterflies in your stomach, excessive sweating, heavy breathing, or even dizziness. These physical signs are like clues that your body is reacting to perceived danger.
How do you know if these physical symptoms are caused by social anxiety and not something else? It's simpler than you might think.
If you find that these three factors apply to you, rest assured: you’re not "going crazy." These physical sensations are simply how anxiety manifests. While uncomfortable, they aren't harmful.
Here are some common physical symptoms of social anxiety: rapid heartbeat, excessive sweating, trembling or shaking, dry mouth, nausea or stomach upset, dizziness or lightheadedness, muscle tension, blushing, feeling hot or cold, and difficulty breathing.
How do you know if these physical symptoms are caused by social anxiety and not something else? It's simpler than you might think.
- First, observe the pattern of when these symptoms occur. Do they only appear when you’re in social situations or when you’re anticipating one? If so, that’s a strong clue.
- Second, notice if these symptoms go away once the social situation is over. If they return to normal when you're no longer in those situations, it points to anxiety as the cause.
- Finally, if you've seen a doctor about these symptoms and all medical tests come back normal, anxiety is likely the culprit.
If you find that these three factors apply to you, rest assured: you’re not "going crazy." These physical sensations are simply how anxiety manifests. While uncomfortable, they aren't harmful.
Here are some common physical symptoms of social anxiety: rapid heartbeat, excessive sweating, trembling or shaking, dry mouth, nausea or stomach upset, dizziness or lightheadedness, muscle tension, blushing, feeling hot or cold, and difficulty breathing.
2. Recognizing anxious thoughts:
The second part of anxiety involves our thoughts—those nagging, anxious thoughts that often revolve around fears of the future. Anxiety has a way of hijacking our mind, making us worry about things that could go wrong in the next few minutes, hours, or even years. For example, you might be obsessing over an upcoming event, running through every possible worst-case scenario. These overwhelming thoughts can distract you from the present moment and fuel your anxiety.
To manage these anxious thoughts, realistic thinking is a useful tool. Realistic thinking encourages you to ask, "Are my fears based on actual evidence, or am I blowing them out of proportion?" It’s about balancing both positive and negative aspects of a situation, instead of focusing only on the negatives.
To manage these anxious thoughts, realistic thinking is a useful tool. Realistic thinking encourages you to ask, "Are my fears based on actual evidence, or am I blowing them out of proportion?" It’s about balancing both positive and negative aspects of a situation, instead of focusing only on the negatives.
Realistic thinking - A use-case:
Imagine you're preparing for a presentation at work. The thought running through your mind is, "What if I forget everything and embarrass myself?" This fear is causing you anxiety. Now, let’s apply realistic thinking to this scenario:
Imagine you're preparing for a presentation at work. The thought running through your mind is, "What if I forget everything and embarrass myself?" This fear is causing you anxiety. Now, let’s apply realistic thinking to this scenario:
- Ask yourself: Have I ever completely forgotten everything in past presentations?
- Evidence check: Maybe you've stumbled before, but you've always managed to get through it.
- Balance the thought: Realistically, it's possible to have some nerves, but you’ve prepared and know your material.
Steps to recognize anxious thoughts:
1. Pay attention to self-talk:
We all have a constant inner dialogue, or "self-talk." These thoughts affect how we feel. If your inner dialogue is filled with negative assumptions—like, "That dog will definitely bite me," or, "Everyone will laugh at me if I make a mistake"—you're likely to feel anxious. So, step one is becoming aware of these thoughts, which often operate in the background.
2. Identify thoughts that trigger anxiety:
Whenever you feel a rise in anxiety, pause and ask yourself, "What am I thinking right now?" Is it a fear about something that hasn't happened yet, like "What if I mess up?" or "What if something bad happens?" Catching these thoughts in the moment helps you recognize their role in fueling anxiety.
Some common anxious thoughts might include:
- "What if I can’t handle this?"
- "People are going to judge me."
- "I’ll mess everything up."
- "Something terrible will happen."
3. Challenge your anxious thoughts:
Just because you think something doesn’t make it true. For instance, thinking a dog will bite you doesn’t mean it actually will. Often, anxious thoughts are based on guesses or worst-case scenarios rather than facts. When you challenge these thoughts, you’ll often realize that the chances of them happening are far less than your mind leads you to believe.
1. Pay attention to self-talk:
We all have a constant inner dialogue, or "self-talk." These thoughts affect how we feel. If your inner dialogue is filled with negative assumptions—like, "That dog will definitely bite me," or, "Everyone will laugh at me if I make a mistake"—you're likely to feel anxious. So, step one is becoming aware of these thoughts, which often operate in the background.
2. Identify thoughts that trigger anxiety:
Whenever you feel a rise in anxiety, pause and ask yourself, "What am I thinking right now?" Is it a fear about something that hasn't happened yet, like "What if I mess up?" or "What if something bad happens?" Catching these thoughts in the moment helps you recognize their role in fueling anxiety.
Some common anxious thoughts might include:
- "What if I can’t handle this?"
- "People are going to judge me."
- "I’ll mess everything up."
- "Something terrible will happen."
3. Challenge your anxious thoughts:
Just because you think something doesn’t make it true. For instance, thinking a dog will bite you doesn’t mean it actually will. Often, anxious thoughts are based on guesses or worst-case scenarios rather than facts. When you challenge these thoughts, you’ll often realize that the chances of them happening are far less than your mind leads you to believe.
Using an analogy: The thinking trap:
Anxious thoughts often lead us into thinking traps—patterns of thinking that exaggerate negatives and minimize positives. For instance, the “all-or-nothing” trap makes you believe one small mistake will ruin everything. By recognizing when you’re falling into these traps, you can challenge and reframe them, helping to bring your thoughts back into a more balanced perspective.
Anxious thoughts often lead us into thinking traps—patterns of thinking that exaggerate negatives and minimize positives. For instance, the “all-or-nothing” trap makes you believe one small mistake will ruin everything. By recognizing when you’re falling into these traps, you can challenge and reframe them, helping to bring your thoughts back into a more balanced perspective.
Recognizing and challenging anxious thoughts allows you to take back control. It helps you see the difference between genuine risks and exaggerated fears. The key is self-awareness—once you can spot these thoughts, you can start managing them more effectively.
3. Recognizing anxious behaviours:
The final part of understanding anxiety is how it affects your behavior. Anxiety doesn't just live in your thoughts or your body—it also shapes the way you act, often without you realizing it. When anxiety becomes overwhelming, it can lead you to avoid situations, people, or activities that trigger those anxious feelings.
Avoidance is a common coping mechanism. It provides relief in the short term because by staying away from what makes you anxious, you temporarily reduce your discomfort. But the problem is, avoidance never addresses the root cause of your anxiety. Instead, it reinforces the idea that the situation is too scary or overwhelming to handle, which can make your anxiety worse over time.
Avoidance is a common coping mechanism. It provides relief in the short term because by staying away from what makes you anxious, you temporarily reduce your discomfort. But the problem is, avoidance never addresses the root cause of your anxiety. Instead, it reinforces the idea that the situation is too scary or overwhelming to handle, which can make your anxiety worse over time.
Imagine you have a fear of public speaking. Every time an opportunity comes up to speak in front of a group, you make an excuse to avoid it—telling yourself you're too busy or letting someone else take the lead. This avoidance may give you instant relief, but it also prevents you from gaining confidence and overcoming your fear. In the long run, the more you avoid public speaking, the scarier it feels, and the more anxious you become when the situation arises again.
How to recognise anxious behaviours:
To better understand how anxiety influences your actions, it can be helpful to reflect on situations you tend to avoid or approach differently due to anxiety. Try asking yourself these questions:
To better understand how anxiety influences your actions, it can be helpful to reflect on situations you tend to avoid or approach differently due to anxiety. Try asking yourself these questions:
- If your anxiety disappeared overnight, what would you start doing that you currently avoid?
- How would your day-to-day actions be different?
- What would change in your life if you didn’t have to worry about those anxious feelings?
- How might someone close to you notice a difference in your behavior if you were no longer anxious?
A practical exercise for understanding anxious behaviors:
A simple way to understand how anxiety impacts your life is to complete these two sentences:
A simple way to understand how anxiety impacts your life is to complete these two sentences:
- “My anxiety stops me from…”
- “When I am not anxious, I will be able to…”
By identifying how anxiety is influencing your behaviour, you can start to challenge avoidance and take steps toward confronting the situations you fear. This recognition is the first step in learning how to face and eventually reduce your anxiety. It’s not about eliminating fear altogether, but about finding healthier ways to cope and regain control over your actions.
Recognizing these three signs of anxiety is the first step toward managing it effectively. Once you’re aware of how anxiety affects your body, thoughts, and behaviours, you’ll be in a better position to move on to strategies for managing and reducing it.
And that wraps up this first instalment of our blog series on social anxiety. We’ve explored what social anxiety is, why it’s important to understand it, and when it becomes a problem. By now, you should have a clearer picture of the physical, emotional, and behavioural aspects of social anxiety.
But understanding the "what," "why," and "when" is just the beginning. The real challenge—and the focus of our next blog—is the "how." In the next part of this series, we’ll dive into practical, easy-to-follow tips for managing social anxiety. These strategies are designed to help you handle social situations with more confidence and ease.
Stay tuned as we explore actionable steps to make social anxiety more manageable, so you can take control and start feeling better.
Recognizing these three signs of anxiety is the first step toward managing it effectively. Once you’re aware of how anxiety affects your body, thoughts, and behaviours, you’ll be in a better position to move on to strategies for managing and reducing it.
And that wraps up this first instalment of our blog series on social anxiety. We’ve explored what social anxiety is, why it’s important to understand it, and when it becomes a problem. By now, you should have a clearer picture of the physical, emotional, and behavioural aspects of social anxiety.
But understanding the "what," "why," and "when" is just the beginning. The real challenge—and the focus of our next blog—is the "how." In the next part of this series, we’ll dive into practical, easy-to-follow tips for managing social anxiety. These strategies are designed to help you handle social situations with more confidence and ease.
Stay tuned as we explore actionable steps to make social anxiety more manageable, so you can take control and start feeling better.
